A collection of amusing quotes http://www.e4tips.com Amusing quotes from www.e4tips.com en-us "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move." Douglas Adams http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 God gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time. Robin Williams http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." Oscar Wilde http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday." Woody Allen http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued ... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976." Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city George Burns http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this Peter Sellers http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 An egotist is a person more interested in himself than in me Ambrose Bierce http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Extra-marital sex is as overrated as pre-marital sex. And marital sex, come to think of it Simon Gray http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Fast, Cheap, Good: Choose any two Unknown http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Give me chastity and continence, but not yet Saint Augustine http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" Will Rogers http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." Mark Twain http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name." Unknown http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "The streets are safe. It's only the people who make them unsafe." An Ex-police chief and mayor. http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?" New Jersey TV commentator. http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." Voltaire http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." Sacha Guitry http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." University of Kentucky basketball forward. http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." Walt Disney http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth." Chuck Norris http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog." Mark Twain http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers." T. S. Eliot http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Happiness is good health and a bad memory." Ingrid Bergman http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did'." Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence." Napoleon Bonaparte http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." Oliver Wendell Holmes http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need." Rodin when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself." US Rotary Club journal http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." Baseball player explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball. http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 "I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television." Gore Vidal (1925-) http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Fred Allen http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25 Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark Twain http:// Engineering Adventures Ltd 2007-03-25